I really like the technique of partially revealing parts of the same page by clicking through it. It’s not really clear whether the ‘She’ and the ‘I’ referred to in the story are the same. I also noticed that the story can loop at times. This is an interesting way of representing thought processes, but it also feels kind of frustrating from a gameplay standpoint to make a bunch of choices that bring you back to where you started.
– nicely done repetitions
– “…” <– couldn't really tell if this text was clickable–thought the page was the end b/c I couldn't see it; might want to change link color or click another word to advance text
– awesome drawings in the go sequence but might want to make it blend into the background more (get rid of the borders? change background color?)
There are many instances here where the linking word between passages is a conjunction. This works well in the pacing of the story–I feel like I’m taking gulps of story between run-on sentences– which parallels the cyclical nature of the player character’s mental spiral. This parallel is reiterated in the stacking of images and text. The stacking adds visual weight to the emotional weight of the content. There was also a point where I cycled back to an earlier point in the story and was confronted with the same choices. This works here because it suspended my sense of time within the narrative; I exited the time of the bus and the physical world and entered the stagnant cycle of the player character’s mind, which operated according to different rules.
I actually really love the premise behind this. It seems very genuine as a woman who is emotionally torn in a relationship trying to decide to stay or leave. Her frazzled thoughts are relatable but the descriptions seem a little cliche. It seems like this may be more interesting if there was maybe more directions. Like if the actions you could chose were more decisive?
I enjoyed your writing and the flow of the story. I appreciated that not all interaction was a choice. A lot of the interaction involved clicking words to control the pace of how the words flowed on the page. This made the reading flow really at a nice pace which made it enjoyable to read. I also appreciated how you used this to convey different emotions, for example, making you click many times just to make one word in a sentence appear at a time, (when you were making the sentence “I don’t care” appear) etc. Overall I think you conveyed the confused emotions of this character very well and had a good balance of stream of consciousness and more literal description. I like how the story was left vague, up to the reader to interpret the specifics while forming the framework for the tone and emotion.
I really like the use of links here. The way the story is structured and the way links slowly move from one train of thought to another really work to illustrate how the unresolved nature of the narrator. I especially liked the use of images to convey the slow moving train.
Genuinely miserable in the best way possible. Really makes you feel like you are losing your mind, as uncertainty and confusion cloud your judgements. This is successful for a number of reasons. The color at first looks bright and refreshing, but after a few minutes is frustrating and drab- a mix of too many colors with a low opacity. Something that aids the ethos of your story. Your variety in text length is equally fantastic. Sometimes its a casual word, or phrase. Othertimes substantial information. The web of options is cloudy just like the woman’s judgement offering loops and confusion similar to someone falling out of love or life and happiness. bravisimo
The structure of this is really cool – sectioning off different clusters of text into different pages allows for a natural transition between thoughts; from my perspective it felt like I was following along with the main character’s thoughts in real time, which isn’t always easy to achieve.
I also really liked the use of the drawings to convey silence/emptiness over the course of time. That was a really excellent touch!
The structure of this game is really well done. In an odd way, the frustration of clicking so many links makes you empathize with the character’s own feelings of futility. There were some confusing parts–like other commentors, I was confused by the use of ‘she’ vs. ‘I’, and the narrative arch of the story left me a little confused. The language also sometimes seemed out of place, because it wasn’t language that a middle-aged woman would use. Overall, though, I liked the stream-of-consciousness style and the general mood of the game.
I really liked the structure of just getting story elements one at a time as you clicked. This made the texts seem not so overwhelming, and closer to what a person would actually experience– having thoughts one at a time rather than a wall of text suddenly appearing. The story did change the person of pronouns which was a little bit confusing. Overall I liked it!
It seems as though “She” and “I” are interchangeable pronouns. “She” seems to indicates a sense of reflection that is separate from the “I” in the present. This method heightens the fragmentation of thought throughout the game. Also, the text and image stacking is quite successful. The tangents within the story build upon one another and provides an interruption to the looping-style of storytelling.
I really like the technique of partially revealing parts of the same page by clicking through it. It’s not really clear whether the ‘She’ and the ‘I’ referred to in the story are the same. I also noticed that the story can loop at times. This is an interesting way of representing thought processes, but it also feels kind of frustrating from a gameplay standpoint to make a bunch of choices that bring you back to where you started.
– nicely done repetitions
– “…” <– couldn't really tell if this text was clickable–thought the page was the end b/c I couldn't see it; might want to change link color or click another word to advance text
– awesome drawings in the go sequence but might want to make it blend into the background more (get rid of the borders? change background color?)
There are many instances here where the linking word between passages is a conjunction. This works well in the pacing of the story–I feel like I’m taking gulps of story between run-on sentences– which parallels the cyclical nature of the player character’s mental spiral. This parallel is reiterated in the stacking of images and text. The stacking adds visual weight to the emotional weight of the content. There was also a point where I cycled back to an earlier point in the story and was confronted with the same choices. This works here because it suspended my sense of time within the narrative; I exited the time of the bus and the physical world and entered the stagnant cycle of the player character’s mind, which operated according to different rules.
I actually really love the premise behind this. It seems very genuine as a woman who is emotionally torn in a relationship trying to decide to stay or leave. Her frazzled thoughts are relatable but the descriptions seem a little cliche. It seems like this may be more interesting if there was maybe more directions. Like if the actions you could chose were more decisive?
I enjoyed your writing and the flow of the story. I appreciated that not all interaction was a choice. A lot of the interaction involved clicking words to control the pace of how the words flowed on the page. This made the reading flow really at a nice pace which made it enjoyable to read. I also appreciated how you used this to convey different emotions, for example, making you click many times just to make one word in a sentence appear at a time, (when you were making the sentence “I don’t care” appear) etc. Overall I think you conveyed the confused emotions of this character very well and had a good balance of stream of consciousness and more literal description. I like how the story was left vague, up to the reader to interpret the specifics while forming the framework for the tone and emotion.
I really like the use of links here. The way the story is structured and the way links slowly move from one train of thought to another really work to illustrate how the unresolved nature of the narrator. I especially liked the use of images to convey the slow moving train.
Genuinely miserable in the best way possible. Really makes you feel like you are losing your mind, as uncertainty and confusion cloud your judgements. This is successful for a number of reasons. The color at first looks bright and refreshing, but after a few minutes is frustrating and drab- a mix of too many colors with a low opacity. Something that aids the ethos of your story. Your variety in text length is equally fantastic. Sometimes its a casual word, or phrase. Othertimes substantial information. The web of options is cloudy just like the woman’s judgement offering loops and confusion similar to someone falling out of love or life and happiness. bravisimo
The structure of this is really cool – sectioning off different clusters of text into different pages allows for a natural transition between thoughts; from my perspective it felt like I was following along with the main character’s thoughts in real time, which isn’t always easy to achieve.
I also really liked the use of the drawings to convey silence/emptiness over the course of time. That was a really excellent touch!
The structure of this game is really well done. In an odd way, the frustration of clicking so many links makes you empathize with the character’s own feelings of futility. There were some confusing parts–like other commentors, I was confused by the use of ‘she’ vs. ‘I’, and the narrative arch of the story left me a little confused. The language also sometimes seemed out of place, because it wasn’t language that a middle-aged woman would use. Overall, though, I liked the stream-of-consciousness style and the general mood of the game.
I really liked the structure of just getting story elements one at a time as you clicked. This made the texts seem not so overwhelming, and closer to what a person would actually experience– having thoughts one at a time rather than a wall of text suddenly appearing. The story did change the person of pronouns which was a little bit confusing. Overall I liked it!
It seems as though “She” and “I” are interchangeable pronouns. “She” seems to indicates a sense of reflection that is separate from the “I” in the present. This method heightens the fragmentation of thought throughout the game. Also, the text and image stacking is quite successful. The tangents within the story build upon one another and provides an interruption to the looping-style of storytelling.