I like how your behavior determines what kind of virus you are but you move between sailing/pirates metaphor and more scientific description, it could benefit for more consistency, either one or the other.
I found how you disguised the player’s identity as a virus to be interesting and well done. Sometimes the over usage of the word “blob” made things a little confusing, but not enough to leave me really confused. I found two broken links during my three playthroughs (“restart” sent me back to the same page and another sent me to a blank page.)
I thought it was clever that you only revealed what the player was at the end, although the effect might’ve been diminished because I already knew about your idea. The narrative progression was well-constructed.
The only thing that could use some work is the presentation, especially with the links. You could either completely integrate them into the text or divide them further. And like Jing said, there are some links that lead to blank pages.
I liked the mystery of who/what you were. You did a very good job of slipping in bio hints without giving the whole thing away. Very smooth transitions all the way through, well done! Only problem was the restart button at one of the ends didn’t work, but thats a minimal concern.
Cute descriptions of how a virus could possibly invade a cell/body! And I like how you told the reader what the particular virus was at the end (I recognized the actions of HIV right away). I do wish the game was a bit longer, though.
I think you did a good job of engaging the reader by using intriguing language and a sense of mystery. I think in some places your language is inconsistent with the rest (like the ship metaphor being explained explicitly instead of implicitly) which took away from the story at that passage. I also wish that the branches met a little more at different times. Overall I thought it was cleverly written, and I would have liked to see more.
I like how your behavior determines what kind of virus you are but you move between sailing/pirates metaphor and more scientific description, it could benefit for more consistency, either one or the other.
There are some broken links here: “Some of your newly-created selves fine more blobs to settle on.” > <
I found how you disguised the player’s identity as a virus to be interesting and well done. Sometimes the over usage of the word “blob” made things a little confusing, but not enough to leave me really confused. I found two broken links during my three playthroughs (“restart” sent me back to the same page and another sent me to a blank page.)
I thought it was clever that you only revealed what the player was at the end, although the effect might’ve been diminished because I already knew about your idea. The narrative progression was well-constructed.
The only thing that could use some work is the presentation, especially with the links. You could either completely integrate them into the text or divide them further. And like Jing said, there are some links that lead to blank pages.
I liked the mystery of who/what you were. You did a very good job of slipping in bio hints without giving the whole thing away. Very smooth transitions all the way through, well done! Only problem was the restart button at one of the ends didn’t work, but thats a minimal concern.
Cute descriptions of how a virus could possibly invade a cell/body! And I like how you told the reader what the particular virus was at the end (I recognized the actions of HIV right away). I do wish the game was a bit longer, though.
I think you did a good job of engaging the reader by using intriguing language and a sense of mystery. I think in some places your language is inconsistent with the rest (like the ship metaphor being explained explicitly instead of implicitly) which took away from the story at that passage. I also wish that the branches met a little more at different times. Overall I thought it was cleverly written, and I would have liked to see more.