Alex Lee Assignment 1 – Dreams of Uni

Dreams of Uni 

http://www.andrew.cmu.edu/user/asl1/alexleecyoafinal.html

 

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13 comments
  1. Trippy. For some reason I’m reminded of the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey, possibly because it confuses me in a very similar way. Cool, certainly.

  2. I love your writing. You threw out a lot of strange terms and characters at the beginning, but it never became overwhelming – instead, it just made me more interested and absorbed in this strange, alternate universe. The dialogue also flowed very naturally. I almost feel like you could use this concept for the next project, since you’ve created some characters who are pretty fleshed out.

    I love how trippy the atmosphere got, and as the story escalated towards its climax I found myself getting more and more on edge. You really did a great job of building up suspense with both the dialogue and the choices. Great job!

  3. I really like what you did with Twine and provided linked descriptions in the beginning rather than describing everything flat out. On the story side, your writing style and the setting really made the story work!

  4. Fantastic! Kept me interested to the very end, very well done. Well written dialogue, great choice in descriptive words, and very interesting plot. Best in the class!

  5. I agree with Paolo, really good!! The depth that you introduce in the first few paragraphs (about the world the story takes place in, Dirac-space, all that) is really engrossing; a slight critique: you could have continued it as more things that the audience is unfamiliar with were introduced. I wish i hadn’t known you were going to do drugs in space, my choices would have been different :] still: you hinted at the possibility of halucinations and kept the reader guessing. Well-constructed, deep, and entertaining.

  6. Excellent writing. I got totally sucked into it. The encyclopedic notes at the beginning are a nice touch, they give the idea of a rich universe without weighting on the story.
    A few parts, like the first dialogue, could be resolved with mutually exclusive “actions” to prevent the reader to ask the same questions and get the same answers from Kat. Good job!

  7. This is just… holy shit this is really well done Alex. I think that the dialogue was more than interesting and intriguing. Your use of escalation and timing in the writing were excellent. Great interaction and I would love to play a less ‘linear’ version of the game. Thanks for letting us all play this. It will help everyone who does.

  8. This blew my freaking mind. I clicked through every possible outcome so I could read everything. I really liked the way you had to choose a path, which led you in a circle back to where you started, but then there was another option available. It gave the reader the clear choice of advancing the story or exploring everything, and the final choices were brilliant. (I tried all of them before I found the right one haha)

  9. Amazing world-building, I was totally immersed into the world you’d set up. Your writing style was really absorbing and really captured the hallucinating nature without making it really obvious.

  10. Wooow! this was really awesome. I thought the story was very fun to read and I was able to feel as if I was the character (first-person I guess would be the right term?). What I liked the most I think is that the places into which you could navigate to while in the story were very unique. Each room had characteristics that were not necessarily from Earth but were also not alien. I also enjoyed very much the use of a branching story structure to navigate a building, it helped create the sensation of being inside the story, especially knowing that I could choose where to go without being limited to a predefined ending or succession of events.

  11. You used the format of the branching story very well at the start to give the background more depth if the reader wanted to know more. Otherwise they could go right into the experience, which was awesome. Everything was incredibly detailed and I could envision my own view of this strange world. Maybe some imagery could have been useful but not a literal translation of what you wrote. Letting the reader imagine can be more powerful. I think the ending was missing just a little bit of intensity when the character has to continue leaving the room to be successful. I am not sure what, but the choice to leave instead of irrationally return and accidentally kill another character needs to be pumped up. maybe music could help some how? Either way, Incredible work!

  12. The writing is really beautiful. When I was doing my project, I found it difficult to keep the same voice/writing style from beginning to end. You do a great job of maintaining this and ensuring character consistency.

  13. Also: you have this recurring theme/content of religious/Christian references that add this all-important or cosmic/heavy tone without being heavy-handed or forcing it. Interesting choice, really cool

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